Tough Day

Hi all,

Well, I'm doing well in terms of keeping up with my writing. I've managed to make it here everyday to express myself.  It really does seem to helping me, to have somewhere to get my feelings out.  Right now I feel like crying.  It's not related to the thing I usually whine and complain about and I'm not going to consider what I write to be complaining.  I've been doing really well with that.  I'm just telling about my day.  I should say that I'm so glad to be alive and so greatful for all of my blessings.  I have many, like my ability to move around, think and reason, a roof over my head, a job, a car to get me to and from that job, so many things to be thankful for and yet one little thing comes along and makes me feel like crying. I should also say that I am quite wimpy and very sensitive in terms of my emotions so what happened today probably wouldn't bother anyone else.

I went to work as usual, but when I got there our computer systems were all down and I couldn't do much work at all.  I spent the entire day doing little projects but not accomplishing what I really needed to do.  My boss was out today and for some reason I'm a little conflicted inside about my boss being out and my not accomplishing much today (even though it wasn't my fault).  So after work I went straight to my church for my first day as Principal of the bible school as well as being teacher for the high school class.  I was exhausted after a long day of work and when I got to my high school class I found nothing but TERRIBLE attitude from one of my students.  There was the mumbling under the breath, sighing and it just spilled right over to the other students in the class.  It was such negative energy and I'm not sure if I handled things properly.  I ended up telling them that they don't HAVE to be in my class if they don't want to.  That seemed to make things a bit better, but at the end of the day, I'm the one who left feeling horrible!  I feel that I am not cut out for leadership at all.  I need to be a student and not a teacher.  I was so disappointed that my first day turned out bad.  My students wouldn't participate in my opening activity and it just went very badly.  :(  I really hope tomorrow will be better.

Don't really have much else to report.  Oh, yes there is one thing.  The year before last I was working at a certain college as an adjunct professor.  The Chair of the department encouraged me to apply for a full-time tenure-track position at the college that was opening up. I applied and was invited to give a talk.  I got a lot of positive feedback in addition to talk about what a good fit I would be.  Nevertheless I didn't get the job and was disappointed to get a very unprofessional rejection letter that basically said, "we decided not to pursue you" and that's it.  I was so disappointed because I'd worked with these people and the letter was so cold.  Anyway, I moved on to another college where I taught for a year before moving into administration at my current institution.  So yesterday I received an email from the college that rejected me wondering if I was available to take on a full course load for a person that had resigned.  Can you believe it?  I don't know who resigned but I was pretty surprised.

So I emailed back saying thanks but I already have a position.  They wanted to know if there was anyone else who might be interested.  I told them about a close friend of mine who also got her PhD.  In fact we graduated from the same program the same year and she is still looking for work.  I really hope that it works out for her.  In the meantime, I'm going to see if I can get an adjunct position to make a little extra money.   Just thought it was funny how that college ended up wanting me after all.  There is a lot of stress teaching four courses per semester.  I know that from experience.  I now commend professors for all of their hard work.  It is not easy and I'm actually glad to be in administration now.  I wouldn't mind teaching a course or two, but a full load really leaves no time for anything else but teaching.

Wow, I didn't mean to say all of that.  Guess I needed to get it out of my system.  I hope your day was a wonderful and I'm wishing us all a better tomorrow.  I still believe God, even though my situation is horrible, I can't stop holding on to God's hand.  I know he'll bring me out!  Good night, wonderful world!