Hello World!

Decided to start a blog. I need somewhere to express myself. See, I'm one of those people who is always helping others. I listen to everyone's problems, I offer advice, I smile when I really feel like crying, and apparently I come across as very strong. However, that's not how I feel inside. I really wish that someone could see that I'm struggling ,that I'm having lots of different issues right now, that I need help! You may be saying, well just ask for it. I have done that but I get the response, "girl, you're all right!" or, "That's not a big deal!" but it is a huge deal to me at the time. I need an outlet, somewhere that I can be completely honest and express what I'm feeling. This is why I'm starting this blog. Right now I'm going through so many changes. Here are some examples:

- I just started a brand new job! Yay! I'm enjoying it. I finished my PhD in May 2009 and this is my first permanent, full-time position. My finanaces have suffered greatly as a result of not having permanent work. So I'm now trying to get back on track with everything.

- I am 33 years old and just got engaged in December 2009 (on Christmas Day). It's wonderful, but it's been so stressful planning a wedding that I don't have the money to pay for. In addition, I've never lived with a man before (good ole' COGIC girl that I am) so it's exciting and scary to be moving in with my fiancee.

- I've been living with my mother and of course I'm moving out since I'm getting married, but I honestly worry about her living alone. She's getting up in age and is a single woman (I'll blog about my parents one day in the future). I just want her to be safe and happy. I do help her out financially, but don't know if I'll be able to afford to do that when I get married. I'm REALLY worried about that.

I could go on. The bottom line is I'm a woman in transition. Things are changing and I don't have anyone to talk to about my feelings about these changes. I feel stressed, I feel frustrated, I feel discouraged and often I feel invisible. So here is where I will come to vent. You'll read about my job, my wedding, my fiancee, my family, my financial woes, my church. I plan to share my life openly and honestly, not for other people, but for me.